here is the radio ad in its entirety. Rumors that he taped the ads sans shirt are unsubstantiated...but probably true.

Did you know that the Beef Council budgets $15 million a year just to advertise beef? That's a lot of moolah! (I got a million of 'em)

I don't know if "Beef Council" should beef capitalized...but it seems like it should beef. And I also wonder if you can beef elected to the Beef Council the same way you get elected to Student Council. I suspect council candidates make posters and buttons that say things like "Vote for Chuck for Beef Council President! He's Grade A!"

An excerpt of Barry Porterhouse's campaign speech:

I believe that beef rocks! It's not the white meat...or even 'the other white meat.' It's beef! It's a thick-cut, pearl-ribboned steak hickory grilled on a summer day. It is the king of all meats. And if you elect me, Barry Porterhouse, to Beef Council President, I will make sure that this year's Beef Ball is the best dance in Council history. We will bring in the B-52s to sing, because if you say their name fast, it sounds like "Beef iffy, toos!" And that rocks! I will take all our beef interests to the annual International Meat Interest Convention where we will once again dominate in the Annual Meat Cup Competition. Vote for Porterhouse. Beef, it's what's for dinner!"

and the rest is history.

*now that I'm finished, I've taken the time to actually research and see that apparently the Beef Council is actually the National Cattlemen's Beef Association. I'm surprised this hasn't angered feminist beef-eaters. There is, however, a Beef Board, which is close enough to a Beef Council for me. If you want to serve on a Beef Council, you can only do so at the state level.

Yesterday, though, our oldest daughter (11 at the time of this writing) was asked to clean her room and as is typical, she complied. As I passed by her room, I heard music coming from her radio but thought little of it...she has an iPod player, and I'm aware of all the songs on it. I didn't recognize the music, but I went on my blind little way, since the music could have been one of a dozen different songs that all sound the same to my untrained ear.

A little while later, she approached me and - appearing upset - asked to speak with me. I assumed a sibling was to blame. She said, "Daddy...I had the radio on, and a song came on...." and she began to cry.

"What did it say?" I asked.

"A girl was singing, and she said, 'I kissed a girl...and I liked it.'"

And this is where we diverted to the unplanned conversation about the unfortunate reality of some of the content that is fighting for your attention. I had asked her why she thought this message was so upsetting to her, and she couldn't articulate it well until she ultimately said, "It's just...wrong. And she was singing it like it was...right."

The truth is, Kelli had heard this song on the radio a time ago and had mentioned it to me. She expressed the same concern and frustration, particularly because the song had an appealing sound. She had said then that this was one of the most troubling songs she had heard in a long time, especially because it was popular and would be on the air a lot. I admit being concerned because Kelli was concerned...but then forgetting about it because I saw a shiny object on the ground.

So after my daughter and I talked it through and she's said that she's "okay," I have to say that I'm still not okay.

The truth is, I'm angry.

I'm angry that there is yet another front on the war against my family. My children...even at 6,9, and 11, are not ignorant when it comes to the reality of homosexual relationships. But they have never been exposed to the advocacy of it...particularly not from within our home.We've been diligent to safeguard our television, and we are disciplined with the children's use of our computer and the Internet. They've seen same-sex couples on television as part of the news or on reality TV, but always in a context where we can acknowledge it and frame its reference according to our world-view.

As much as I'm angry about this forced advocacy that demands our attention, I confess that I'm also sad (at least as much as I am angry). I'm sad at the loss of innocence and my daughter's gain of awareness of this particular manifestation of sin and lust. I don't understand the psychology of music...but as an adult, I acknowledge that the influence of music is far greater than what I thought it to be when I was inundated by persuasive messages as an adolescent.

I know that as my daughter matures, she will face these issues...she will have friends who will make poor choices. I know she'll be vulnerable to the same things all kids are susceptible to. I'm just sad that this particular situation had to happen in this way. I'm sad that a musical artist who is completely aware of her market and her impressionable audience has chosen to advocate an action that dishonors young ladies and idealizes demeaning behavior. We all bear the burden of eventual accountability...even for the choices made in the foolishness of youth.

I, too, am disappointed in the message, because the music is indeed catchy (paging Danny Terrio). I can understand why its popular, as far as the sound goes. With that concession, please know that my links here are not endorsements...just the opposite, really. At the end of the day, I think one of the worst mistakes we can make as parents is to bury our heads in the sand and be ignorant to the things that are popular in our kids' worlds.

The video

The lyrics

Here's a Fox News commentary on it, with some good insight from a child psychologist.

I also encourage you to take the time to read this article about the songstress, Katy Perry. She began her singing career six years ago as a Christian artist under her given name, Katy Hudson. As the daughter of traveling evangelists, she said at the time of her singing, "I know I've been called for a purpose, and that God has had His hand on me."

Here's her song "Faith Won't Fail." Its lyrics are great, the tune is barely listen-able.

She also sang these revealing words to her 2008 song, Lost:

"Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost ...
My mother says I should come back home but
Can't find the way cause the way is gone
So if I pray am I just sending words into outer space"

The sentiment from this excerpt is evident in this interview (relevant up to about the 2:33 mark) she gave, where, she still claims to follow Christ, but acknowledges that this is a time of spiritual wandering. Her analogy is quite articulate, and illustrates that if you don't deliberately, intentionally, purposefully, and actively live out your faith, you will indeed find yourself swept away.

Who could have known that her 2001 song Spit from the beginning of her career, would one day be so prescient?

If You came by me would I crown You my King
Or brush You off as though I really didn't see
If You walked by my side would our souls then be unified
I swore Your name would never be denied

But I took up this hammer
And laughed at all Your slander
And pierced Your hands
With the nails of blasphemy
How could I do this? I don't know
Said something forced me to it, so
Spit in Your face and passed You by
(I'd forgotten those words "your name won't be denied")

But time and time again I'd live that life of sin
I knew it hurt you bad but I wasn't ready to give in
"Maybe someday," but not this day I said
I wanted to live my life I was willing to pay the price

CHORUS

But looking into my eyes I knew You felt this heart's cry
I needed You bad my life was oh so sad
But looking back at all this pain, this guilt, this strife
Would You take it all away if I were to give you back my life?

But You said "I've forgiven thee"
And You said "I've forgiven thee"

As a post-script, here's where else I find myself angry...it's at the Christian recording industry. In this interview (posted at the Southern Baptist Student e-zine "GO"), Katy is described as "deep," but acknowledges that she hadn't been in the Bible in months. I am angry that an entire industry exists that tries to make celebrities out of immature believers and places upon them the overwhelming mantle of "worship leader." The whole process cheapens both words of the description, and usually at the cost of the person who has been thrust into the spotlight. Here's a link to another blog report from a like-minded person.

I think one reason why I don't tend to listen to a lot of Christian radio is because I've seen it operate too much like the secular industry, and I don't feel obligated to patronize them simply because they say the name Jesus and offer empty platitudes of devotion to the One who died so I can live. I acknowledge my secular tastes are eclectic, but my expectations for them are low. My worship preferences are limited, but that's because my expectations are much higher.

I'm not angry at Katy Perry/Hudson for her song. I'm angry at an enemy who deceives us with false promises and forbidden fruit. I'm angry that this enemy hinders potential and corrupts testimonies. I'm angry that we all sometimes fail, and the enemy will use our failures to derail others or attempt to impugn Christ. I'm angry that we forget we have been bought for a price and that the cares of this world are at times more alluring to us than the sure promises of our creator and redeemer.

Katy herself uses words that are synonymous with being a prodigal. I know lots of prodigals. I minister to prodigals and to the families of prodigals. They need and deserve prayer and ministry, not scorn and judgment. I hope you'll join me in prayer for the Hudson family...not in the "poor, poor them" type of prayer, but in the powerful request that God does something remarkable in this young woman's life that will take this seemingly low point and bring much glory to himself through it.

Remember When...

1. Alan Weitz shoved an entire Oreo Ice Cream in his mouth. I do remember this...and this nasty dairy mess that resulted. It was surpassed a couple years later when Chris Winey put an entire Double Whopper with Cheese into his piehole after a two-a-day football practice.
2. Ronae Markham and her carrot on the way to Minturn. I don't know why I saved this. I wasn't in band, and never went with Ronae to Minturn. There's probably a very funny story there about how Ronae was teased for eating carrots on a band trip. Or maybe her carrot got stuck in Keith Engler's trumpet. It was 8th grade and those types of things were funny back then.
3. Wade Houck ran for "Head Girl." I do remember this, too. I didn't find this as funny as most others did. Probably because if I had done a similar thing, my brother Jamie would have beat me senseless for the ripple effect it could have had on his own popularity.
4. Stacy Bell played Super Girl. Again, no recollection of this whatsoever.
5. Troy Rosencutter, Jon Gulisano, David Gulisano, and Bryan McAnally were singing "The Love Boat" over Spring Break. I do remember this...we were doing things we weren't supposed to be doing and we thought it was funny to commemorate it to sing the theme song from an Aaron Spelling creative vehicle. On an unrelated note, did you know that some scientists believe that the male cognitive processes do not fully develop until late in adolescence?

And two song dedications:
To: Becca
From: Bryan
"Why Can't This be Love?"

To: Troy
From: Stacy
"Endless Love"

aah...perspective is a beautiful thing. Especially when you realize how little of it you actually possessed when you were 12 and 13 years old.

And we conclude this skip down obscure memory lane with the advice column written by P.A.T...a clever acronym for Amy Pankonin (P), Angel Sexton (A), and Trisha Decker (T).

Dear P.A.T., I like this guy, and I've heard that he likes me, too. The problem is that one of my good friends also likes him, and I don't want to hurt her. What Should I do? Hurt

Dear Hurt,
Ask your friend if she has any other guy that she likes. If she doesn't, ask her how she would feel if you went out with that guy.
P.A.T.

Seriously, what could go wrong with this plan? If I remember my teenage years (and I think I've established that I clearly do...not so much), then I can remember that every single one of those conversations went something like this:

Veronica: Hey Betty...I noticed Jughead looking at you. But I know you like Archie. Is there any chance you would be interested in Jughead?

Betty: No....Archie is the only guy for me...he's swell.

Veronica: Hmmm...Betty, how would you feel if I went out with Archie?

Betty: I HATE YOU, YOU BACKSTABBER!

And then Veronica and Archie dated anyway. Until Moose came along, but that's another comic adventure altogether.

Today, if I were P.A.T., my advice would be something like...

Dear Hurt,
You're in 8th grade. Go do your homework. Play a sport. Quit worrying about boys. They are years behind you mentally and emotionally. Trust me on this.

note: the top photo is actually from 9th grade...apparently, I'm a little short on evidence that 8th grade actually took place. Some of the people mentioned in the memories above can be found in the photo.

Georgia's Lemon charged with felony battery.

I thought this was a scientific breakthrough in 'green technology.' It wasn't though.