Spare Change

No Excuse Sunday

Posted by Bryan

From the Inbox:

To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":
• Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."


• There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.


• Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.


• We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."


• Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.


• Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.


• Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.


• We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.


• One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.


• Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.


• The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.


• We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton wool for those who think he's too loud!