We viewed Bowling for Columbine over the weekend, and we're so thankful for Michael Moore. Without him, I never would have realized that the reason children shoot each other is because rich conservatives force poor minorities to work in confectionary shops for substandard wages in order to satiate the wealthy tyrants' obsession for fudge.
I'm not kidding. That was the accusation.
When the poor folk are slaving away making this chocolate divinity, the homes are left without a guardian, leaving free access to easily-discovered firearms and their weapons, which of course can only result in the children bringing these guns to school where they will inevitably fire at other children because that's what children do, when their parents work long hours in fudge shops.
A couple of things I'd like to know: What is Moore's income? I'd like to see his last reported income tax to see if he just might be described as "wealthy."
Also, how much fudge has Moore consumed? Even if the camera adds 10 pounds, I think the question is fair, in light of the accusations he's tossing around. One might be able to find some indicting receipts in his 2003 taxes shoebox that might finally close the loop and show that we finally have our culprit.
Kids don't kill kids.
Michael Moore does.
But it was the fudge that made him do it.