January 13, 2004


what's black and white and red all over?
Posted by Bryan

John Gray with a nose bleed.

This doctor guy is responsible for "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus," making millions of dollars for the enlightening revelation that men and women are different.

His epiphany has spawned a bevy of progeny, some satirical, some disagreeing, some nonsensical.

Including:

    Women are from Bras, Men are from PenusWhen a woman is stressed out, she talks - on and on, yatta, yatta, yatta. When a woman is not stressed out, she also talks on and on. Generally speaking, a woman is generally speaking. Many men are under the misconception that a woman always has to have the last word. This is not true because a woman never gets to the last word.


    Women are from Venus, Men Are From JupiterSomehow Indian men are too "intimidated" to come up and talk to us. Why is it so hard for them to make the first move? I have no problem extending my arm, shaking someoneis hand and saying "hello." You can tell guys are nervous when they don't shake your arm heartily. I hate those puny, effeminate handshakes. An assertive man will never go limp.


    Women Are From the Forebrain, Men Are From the Medulla OblongataMen are simple. Women are complex. Men want to act toward women as if they were as simple as men. Women want to act toward men as if they were as complex as women. Thus, neither gender reacts the way the other gender thinks they should. This leads to conflict.

    For example, take the basic fight-starting question, "Do I look fat?" First, you know it's a woman asking the question. Men are perfectly capable of categorizing themselves as either fat or thin without any outside consultation. They feel no need to discuss the matter. Women can also do this, but that isn't the point of the question.


    Men are from Morden, Women are from WimbledonIs your relationship stuck on the Circle Line, or did it terminate abruptly before you got home? Is your beloved Wapping or Barking? An Angel or an Elephant (and Castle)? Is your romance moving along the platform or did it derail at Acton causing a national incident?


    Women are From Venus - Men are From Hell"Men are stupid and women are crazy. And the reason women are so crazy is because men are so?.stupid." - George Carlin

    "I got divorced recently. It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, he was Klingon." - Carol Leifer

    "It's a mans world, but women are running it, secretly." - Cheri Oteri

    "The only thing that keeps me from being happily married?..is my husband." - Andra Douglas


    WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN in TESTOSTERONE When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But, I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You I Love You" drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made it at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.


    Men Are From Mars Women Are From Next TuesdayThe notion that "Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus" is in itself a very male way of looking at the differences between the sexes. A more gender-neutral perspective would describe men as coming from a place and women from a moment. In fact, it is the differing ways in which men and women view space and time that account for all of the principal biologic influences that determine Mental Sex.


    MEN ARE FROM ISRAEL, WOMEN ARE FROM MOABSam has a sincere love for Jesus Christ. He also is a devoted husband and father. He relates to his children in a warm and compassionate manner. When dealing with behavioral problems, he is thoughtful and intuitive in his response. Yet his wife belittles him because he isn't tough and logical in dealing with discipline. "Why can't you be like other men?" she laments.


    Men Are From Sears, Women Are From NordstromWithout males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn mower racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the annual number of deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of heads. Also, if women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be, I sincerely believe this, virtually no military conflicts, and if there were a military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of thoughtful notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon (which would be salads, with the dressing on the side).


    Men Are From Quake, Women Are From Ultima EVERY month or so Heather Crouch's husband, Si, used to bring home a new computer game, and she considered it one of her "wifely duties" to watch as he set it up and started killing monsters. After 15 minutes or so, she would walk away. But one day Si Crouch brought home a game called Ultima Online, and from the first moment Heather saw it, she was hooked.


    Men are from Carnival! Women are from Holland America! * Women are dreaming about headline entertainment
    * Men are dreaming about their wives being entertaining.
    * Men are thinking about how many entrees and desserts they can order without looking like complete pigs.
    * Women are thinking if they only have one entree, then they can sneak in an extra dessert... and that the men look like pigs already.
    * Women can't wait to play afternoon bingo.
    * Men can't wait for afternoon bingo, so they can nap in peace.


    Women are from Venus, men are idiots"Because men and women are so different, a relationship can only reflect the needs of the man or the woman. One hundred percent of the time he has to reflect the needs of the woman, whether it's communication, sex or love, or else he's not doing his job right."


    Other different points of origin for men & women
    Men=GM, Women=Ford

    Men=Lockerrooms, Women=Luxury Boxes

    Men=X, Women=Y

    I once heard a deep thinker profoundly mutter, "Women are from Venus, Men are from Whatever You Do Is Wrong."


The reality is women are from Earth. Men are from Earth. Some of us men come from Man Town, and others come from the Antique District. Some of the women come from Barbieville, others come from Plaid Flannel and Beyond.

Men and women are different.

Men and women are the same.

But mostly, they're different.

Now get over it.

January 13, 2004 3:54 PM
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