i may have written on this matter before, but i'm too lazy to check my archives.
i allow for this possibility (not my laziness, that's a certainty -- but of my possible repetition), because i've been passionate about this matter for a long time.
I believe its time we added some new contractions into our vernacular.
I exist paradoxically in an atmosphere where on hand I'm incredibly anal about language and its usage. At the same time, as I've established quite well, am at times lazy. So where a paradox meets a conundrum, you get a series of new contractions. I think if we adopt these linguistic devices, we'll discover our language will become even more informal, and the speed with which we can be misunderstood will greatly increase.
My proposals are simple:
am +not = amn't. Ex.: "I amn't going to the store. I'm going to the football game." i understand this is fairly close to an expletive and may accordingly frighten some away, but I amn't going to give up on this one. After all, we already have a contraction for 'are not,' so why not one for 'am not?'
I + had = I'd. Ex.: "I'd no idea you could say 'I had' so much more quickly and easily." I understand this contraction already exists for 'I would,' and I've a suggestion for that if you'd just keep reading.
I + would +have = I'da. Ex.: "I'da used 'amn't' instead of 'am not. It's really much quicker." Since most mush mouths already pronounce "would have" as "wooda," we can expedite the process by jamming all three words together at once.
Did + not + you = Din'cha. Ex.: "Din'cha go with me to the movie? See, baby, I promise I'm not cheating on you!" This is a complex contraction since it shortens the already contracted "Didn't," but since it is a convention of language for seemingly everyone under the age of 21, let's accomodate them.
We + were = We'er. Ex.: "We'er planning on working late, but instead we just went home." Not only linguistically advantageous, this fun little contraction takes us back to the age of yester year where terms like "Ne'er" and "ma'am" were used regularly and appropriately.
Going + to = gunna. Ex.: "We'er gunna go home, but instead went to Media Play and spent our entire paychecks." I realize a sloppified version of this contraction already exists with "Gonna." But the problem is that "gonna" is spelled similarly to "donna" and not at all like the jingoistic "wanna," which can culminate in one confused catechumen of contraction. This honors the sentiment of having a mouthful of cotton while striving toward phonetic ease, and carries the staunch support of the National Rifle Association.
I understand these are but small efforts to move our Mother Tongue toward the end result of being the meat on an open-faced sandwich of vernaculary shame. But if we all pitch in, we'll see victory in our day.