I won't say my wife has me trained
okay, yes I will.
I'm going to work today wearing one of those casual button-downs that you'd wear on a vacation to the beach.
no, not you, I was talking to the other guy. You wouldn't wear it, but he definitely would.
You know, the type of shirt that looks nice, but it also conveys a certain message like, I'm a very relaxed, easy going guy...this is my FAC shirt... except at our FACs we serve popcorn and soda pop, instead of peanuts and hard liquor.
I've seen this type of shirt worn by others in the building, so I know I'm not going to be violating dress code. sudden thought: what if they're all violating self code? Will the building fashionistas, who were just waiting for a violation by "the new guy" storm my office with a sweatervest and a belt, or send me home to "try again and not come back until I get it right?"
My particular shirt is very nice. Its a deeper-than-navy blue base with a sandy overlay that is apparently supposed to give the appearance of, well, sand (which as I think about it means that it will always look dirty....hmmm, should have thought about that one). Amidst all this interplay is an additional overlay of an even darker blue consisting of many species of tropical fish. This communicates my obvious affection for the marine life of a sports fisherman. We won't tell anyone that I haven't had a fishing pole in my hand since 1992 when I was back to my parent's home for Christmas break and my dad woke me up at 4:30 saying, "Son, let's go ice fishing!" I meant to reinact the event last winter at the 10 year anniversary, but something else more important came up. What was it? Oh yeah...sleep.
This type of shirt can only be worn successfully (without looking like a dork, is what I mean by "successfully") if you do not tuck it in.
I have been so conditioned by my wife to not look sloppy (which is affectionally called "looking Colorado" in our home) that I am seriously self-conscious about it not being tucked in. I can look in the mirror and see that it looks nice (enough). But as soon as I turn away, the Mr. Blackwell (who I'm assuming is not one of those five "queer guys with an eye for this straight guy") of my subconscious says "He looks horrible, like he just rolled out from a pyjama party. Doesn't he know this is a workplace and not Beach Blanket Bingo?"
Question: Do you read that question as effeminitely as I hear it when I type it?
I also wonder as I process these dysfunctional thoughts that this must be what a lady who feels overweight because of what she reads and sees in the media, but in fact is really quite normal, must go through on a regular basis. And just so you know, sometimes guys have their "fat days," where they feel like they look bad or heavy. Especially if they used to be athletic, but the demands of work or ministry haven't allowed them to maintain their athletic vigor.
I mean, that's what I hear anyway. I wasn't talking about myself. I feel great. Look great, feel great. Feel great, look great. Great great great. Yep. Yessirree. Slim and lean, lookin' gooooood. thanks for askin'.
really.
Yeah....
I'm going to go change my shirt.