February 9, 2005
TAR's a WrapPosted by Bryan
If you read past this sentence, you'll read content that will ruin the element of surprise if you have TiVO'd or taped The Amazing Race. You've been warned.
Much to my sorrow, TAR 6 ended with the victory of Freddy & Kendra, the dynamic duo of a pencil-thin aspiring WWE combatant ("If I find out who dropped that gate, I will break you in half!") and America's Prettiest Latent Racist® ("They just keep breeding and breeding!").
Sure, they're good competitors and all that yada yada, but just a little part of anything good and decent in our social collective conscience dies each time someone with no integrity or character compromises or outright abandons truth simply to win a competition (as evidenced by Kendra's tearful faux plea at the Chinese airline ticket counter that she has a "sick baby" at home, and Freddy's equally deplorable begging to the Chicago police for an escort because of their "emergency.") I hope that million dollars keeps you warm at night since you clearly have no soul to provide insulation.
Particularly appropriate to type, Kendra's victory speech was seasoned with just the right measure of self-involvement, greed and vacuousness, expressing joy for having won $1 million and adding that Freddy was the perfect man "to bear her children."
Meanwhile, America's Sweethearts Kris and Jon finish second, because of (thanks to manipulative editing, at least), a conspiratorial train. Their positive attitude and supportive demeanor was truly a pleasure to watch and made them endearing as people, not only contestants. They could have re-upped in three weeks and still been the rooting favorite for fans of the show for round 7. Instead, the "name team" is Rob and Amber, past winners of Survivor (I guess, I have never watched a complete episode of the modern-day Lord of The Flies unscripted drama). Personally, I'll be rooting against them from day 1. I believe in the Reality TV Universal Theorem which presents a direct relationship between the self-revelatory exposure through RTV programming and the inevitability of self-induced shame and degradation (the most stark TAR examples being Jonathan and Colin, from seasons 6 and 5, respectively). Is RTV programming already so desperate that it must recycle non-celebrities as enticements (okay okay, I know enough about The Surreal Life to know the answer to that rhetorical question).
Moving down the list, one must give props to Adam & Rebecca for being "the little engine that could" team. Nobody, especially Adam's mommy, expected them to finish out in the top 3. You have to figure the chances for victory aren't going to be good when, in the final episode introduction, the show's host highlight's the team's progress by mentioning Adam's absolute terror of doing anything adventurous whatsoever, spoken against the video backdrop of the horned man's SCUBA suit wailing re-enactment of an upended tortoise. This all goes to show you what can be accomplished when an emotionally-repressed and hyperphobic type-B male is matched up with a manipulative, condescending mother-figure type-A ex-girlfriend. Yes, Dr. Freud will be available for your 10:30 appointment, thanks for playing.
Finally (in terms of the last episode), what can you say about Aaron other than "Dude, you got no one to blame but yourself." His laid-back attitude was a nice palate-cleansing non-alcoholic apertif to enjoy before having to fill one's belly with the incessantly
gripy
Haydenian
nit-picking
, but when he dropped to a knee to propose, he not only caused viewers to think that the grueling demands of the global trek had indeed drove the young man past the brink of insanity, but he also inadvertantly crushed any modicum of sympathy in the process. Aaron, it may be a wise course of action to add Phil's contact info to your Outlook database if you're ever wanting to dig up the footage of the multitudinous events causing you to slur your new fiancee, mock her behind her back, or even spout those three precious little words, "I hate you." These on screen gems promise to prove valuable insight to any number of issues you may one day face.
So, as the final shot pulled back, revealing that Jonathan -- with one arm raised in mysterious gesture of victory -- somehow thinks this is all about him, another Amazing Race concludes. I've enjoyed the competition, truly a close call. And even as I stand, hands-on-hips, doubled over and wheezing from the rigorous demands of viewing, I'm looking forward to March 1, when Phil (dressed strangely like an Alias extra) once again shouts, "Go!"
February 9, 2005 12:54 PM