Spare Change: While You Were Out

April 12, 2005

From my inbox for my outbox while I continue my vacation....

I don't know about you, but I find those "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-replies so ordinary and tedious. Here are some fun alternatives.

Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th century, and I don't know when I'll be back. But hey, leave a message. Someone might get to it.

In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a day at (insert Pointy-Haired Boss's cell phone number here).

The e-mail server is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

April 12, 2005 11:46 AM

Comments

I once wrote the following for returning emails.

This message was unable to be delivered due to one or more of the following errors.

� Incorrect address. Re-check address and try to re-send.

� Network error. The network driver may have been disabled. Check with network manager.

� System breakdown. One or more of the hard drive segments of your computer may be corrupted. Run Scandisk then re-boot.

� Peanut Butter. A large serving of peanut butter may have been accidentally lodged in hard drive. Wipe out with a slice of white bread.

� Weird New Age accident. Your mail delivery system may have been interrupted by the negative karma of a co-worker. Meditate a resolution.

� Scissors. An incompetent fellow worker may have decided to snip your network cable. Snip your fellow worker�s RS 232.

Posted by: Rodney Olsen at April 12, 2005 6:59 PM