Spare Change

Double Shot of Inbox Humor

Posted by Bryan

#1

A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.

She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says,

"Well, I can tell you one thing . . . there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

#2

Two friends, who had been lost in the desert for weeks, were at death's door. As they stumbled on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spied through the heat and haze, a tree, off in the distance . As they got closer, they began to make out that the tree was draped with bacon. There was smoked bacon, crispy bacon, juicy nearly-raw bacon, bacon of all sorts.

"Hey, Pete," cried Don, "It's a bacon tree! We are saved!"

"You're right, my friend!" said Pete as he ran on ahead and running up to the tree, salivating at the prospect of food. When he got to within five feet of the tree, the sound of machine gun fire erupted and down he went in a hail of bullets.

Don quickly dropped down on the sand and called out to his dying friend, "Pete! Pete! What just happened?"

With his dying breath, Pete called out, "Run away my friend! This is not a bacon tree! It's a ham bush!"