April 29, 2005
Far and AwayPosted by Bryan
...is the term best used to describe the age span between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, confirmed to be dating (thanks, Jen, for the unickspected news of this folly).
When I first read Jen's headline, the "Katie and Tom" that came to mind was Katie Couric and Tom Brokaw. Boy was I off base. But not as much as the Katie and Tom at the epicenter of this.
Now, I know that they aren't the first to explore intergenerational romance, nor will they be the last. I have a hunch if you ask her if she's still happy in thirty years, her answer will be "depends." But she won't be talking about the relationship, as she points to the bathroom closet.
I know people with a greater than ten-year age span hook up all the time, but I don't get it. You live on the same planet, but are on entirely different worlds. When he was getting ready for prom, she was wearing a bib, eating strained prunes from a jar. When he was halfway through his second marriage, she was getting ready for prom. When she's halfway through her second marriage, he'll be wearing a bib, eating strained prunes from a jar.
The circle of life is an amazing thing to behold.
Ironically, the news of Mr. Cruise's new "love" was revealed on the birthday of ex-girlfriend Penelope Cruz, who turned 31. She declined official comment, but is reported to have said, "apparently, 30 is the new 50" and "I'm so old." Much of America still laments the breakup of the previous coupling, thwarting the dreams of many who rhetorically asked, "will she take his name in marriage, or insist on being called Penny Cruz-Cruise?"
Just for the record, let's take a look at The Last Samurai's march toward the Minor-ity Report:
First wife Mimi Rogers, age....49
Second wife Nicole Kidman, age...37
First post Nic girlfriend, Penny Cruz, age...31
Second girlfriend, Katie Holmes, age...26
Extrapolating these figures, his next girlfriend will be a lass born in 1986 (when Maverick was 24, filming Top Gun). The Duff sisters, Hilary and Haylie, though, are safe (too young and too old by one year, respectively). That leaves none other than, you guessed it, Lindsey Lohan.
It's only a matter of time. Literally.