Spare Change

Code Red for Dr. Love

Posted by Bryan

In honor of friend and colleague's impending dinner date with the chief resident of Important Stuff at Bigwig Hospital, here's a few dating tips to remember:

• What not to wear:


• Burlap


• Your brother's Member's Only^® jacket


• A Red Hat Society outfit


• Your "Frankie Say RELAX" tee shirt


• Leg warmers, hoop earings large enough for a small poodle to jump through, or sweat-stained workout wear.


• What not to say:


• So you're a doctor...can I just say 'chaching?'


• So you're a doctor...does this look like an abnormal growth to you?


• So you're a doctor...What a coincidence...I'm in a medical malpractice case even as we speak!


• So you're a doctor...is ER the way it really is?


• What are you thinking for our children's names?


• My parents should be here by dessert. Be sure to sit up. Mom really disapproves of slouchers.


• Are you cheating on me?


• What not to do


• Don't choke on something just to show off that he knows the Heimlich maneuver.


• Don't demand to pay for dinner, just because he's some high-falutin' medical doc from the city with all his money and new fangled finery.


• Don't mock the people in the table next to you if you overhear that he's a chiropractor, instead of a real doctor like your guy.


• Don't go into a long, detailed explanation about our work as editors. Trust me, the stories never translate as well as in the action-packed moment-by-moment of our day-to-day adventures.


• Don't correct his grammar, lest he begin correcting your diet.


• Don't slather your food with salt and butter. That's just a good rule of thumb, regardless of circumstance.

From one friend to another, follow this little prescription of conduct, appearance, and conversation, and I think you'll have a safe outlook of Diagnosis: Romance!