Spare Change

Wading in Pools of Contemplations

Posted by Bryan

From the inbox, occasionally edited:

Deep Observations on Life


• Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." --Author Unknown


• "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
  drop them off at the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy


• "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry


• "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'" --Paula Poundstone


• "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh." --Conan O'Brien


• "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." --Johnny Carson


• "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." --Paul Rodriguez


• "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?" --Warren Hutcherson