Spare Change

Spiritual Courtship

Posted by Bryan

Ed. Note~This is an edited (albeit only slightly to account for Webbery) version of a Bible Study I prepared for our church to launch a new outreach campaign. It uses Jesus' encounter with "The Woman at the Well" as a justification and example for us to engage similarly in spiritual courtship.

Introduction

Spiritual courtship is the process where a Christian deliberately and intentionally enters into a relationship with another toward the goal of seeing that other person come to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. By agreeing to enter into a spiritual courtship relationship, you honor God by obeying His Great Command to love others as we love ourselves, as well as His Great Commission to make disciples of others as we go.

Spiritual courtship is a biblical practice. God has called his followers to be His ambassadors on earth; just as Christ was a friend to sinners (Matthew 11:19), so have you been likewise called. To be a true friend, you must enter into the lives of the people who know little or nothing about Jesus Christ. You have been called to be their friend, their liaison to the God who created them and offers redemption through Jesus of Nazareth.

Several times in his earthly ministry, Jesus illustrated to believers today just how to go about befriending a person in need. Today, we will focus on one of those times. We will see how Jesus deliberately and intentionally initiated a relationship for redemptive purposes. In John 4, Jesus spiritually courted a Samaritan woman deeply in need of connecting with God. The lessons offered there should equip and encourage us today to begin spiritually courting a friend today.

Start with a Conversation (v.1-26)

Biblical Commentary

As John 4 opens, the Scriptures reveal that Christ was enjoying the blessings of a successful ministry. People were flocking to Jesus rapidly, and his disciples were baptizing people in droves. In fact, the Pharisees had taken notice of his success and saw an opportunity to create a division between his ministry and that of another “problem” they were facing, Jesus’ cousin John. Rather than undermine John’s ministry in Judea, Jesus decided to head North to Galilee.

Jesus resolved that he had to go through Samaria to get to Galilee (v. 4). This resolution had nothing to do with logistics. Jewish travelers had developed a well-used route between Galilee and Judea that completely circumnavigated the region of Samaria. In fact, Christ’s determination to go through Samaria was both scandalous and provocative. That Jesus “had to” go this shortest, most logical route showed disregard or even contempt that had separated the Jewish and Samaritan people for centuries. From an eternal perspective, Christ’s claim of immediate need to go through Samaria has ramifications on two levels: what would happen in Samaria by his being there was ordained by God as necessary, and that the direct route was necessary so that Christ could fulfill his entire, eternal purpose.

The Samaritan and Jewish people agreed only on the first five books of the Old Testament (the Pentateuch). On virtually every other matter, they disagreed:
There had been bitter feelings between Jews and Samaritans for centuries. The Samaritans find their origin at the time of the Assyrian conquest of the Northern Kingdom of Israel in 721 B.C. According to Assyrian figures, nearly 30,000 Israelites were deported, being replaced by heathen captives from all over the Assyrian empire (cf. 2 Kings 17:3f.). It was not long before the purity of the Israelites was defiled, not only racially, but spiritually.

Ultimately, Samaritan theology differed greatly from that of orthodox Judaism. The Samaritans accepted only the Pentateuch (the first five books of the Old Testament) as inspired and authoritative. They rejected the Psalms, the prophets, and other books of the Old Testament. When the Babylonian exiles returned to the Holy Land, the Samaritans made efforts toward merger, but were rebuffed and rejected (and rightly so). As a result, open hostility sprung up from time to time. The Samaritans held that the center of worship was at Mt. Gerizim, while the Jews maintained that it was Jerusalem (cf. John 4:20). The Samaritans actually tampered with the Scriptures to substantiate their theology. Around 400 B.C., a Samaritan Temple was built on Mount Gerizim. Around 128 B.C., this temple was destroyed by the Jews and relations between these two peoples worsened…Evidence to the friction between the Jews and the Samaritans is easily found.

Once Jesus and his followers arrived in the town of Sychar, he stopped at a water well that had significant historical and religious significance. How poignant it must have been for Jesus to stop at that well at that time, where he could uniquely reflect on the forefathers who He himself created had built this water depot. At the same time, he was fully human. He had traveled a long, hot, dusty road. He was hungry, he was tired. And he was thirsty.

Yet, it is here where he met a Samaritan woman and entered into a relationship where he spiritually courted her. He began by striking a conversation with her. The fact that he did so was even more scandalous and provocative that his decision to journey into Samaria. Tradition had dictated that Jewish people and Samaritan people not mingle. For a Jewish man to talk to a Samaritan woman was considered unthinkable and certainly inappropriate. This mattered little to Jesus, and he began talking with her.

He initiated a relationship by simply asking her for water. Make no mistake, though, this was no little question. In fact, he was destroying centuries of stereotypes by doing so, because it was considered taboo for Jewish people to drink from the same vessel as Samaritans. More than that, though, Jesus was establishing value in the woman. He was affirming her that she had worth, that she had something meaningful to offer him, and that he could be blessed by her engaging in the relationship.

This initial question accomplished its purpose. It opened the door to conversation. She reveals herself to be an intelligent woman, well-versed in the prejudicial barriers that separated their two cultures. When Jesus knocked down that first wall by asking for a drink, it permitted her to relate with Jesus that she never would have assumed possible.

As they talked, the woman asked a series of questions highlighting the differences between her culture and his. In this conversation, you can observe Jesus building the relationship through a series of principles reflected in his conversation. As the conversation progressed, Jesus gently salted his language with spiritual truth. He talked about “living water.” When she focused on religion, he focused on relationship. He gently probed with this spiritual truth, appealing to her curious nature. In a situation where it would have been appropriate to not talk at all, Jesus instead “massaged” the conversation to make sure they would cover the only issue that mattered.

He never compromised himself by discrediting the Jewish practices and traditions of worship, just to keep from offending her by disagreeing with her traditions and practices. While he spoke to the truth about their cultural divide, Jesus wisely never engaged in divisive language. He did not ignore the differences they had. He also did not compromise himself by simply excusing her immorality, as reflected in her attempted misdirection about not having a husband. Even so, he refused to make a lesser matter the most important matter. Rather, he focused on what united them – true worship of the true God through true relationship. In this he completely stepped outside of her preconceived notions about God, and gave her a new vision for relationship with him!

Practical Application

God is preparing opportunities for spiritual courtship all around you. He has worked to establish circumstances and situations where you will cross paths with somebody who needs a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Right now, God is straightening your own path so you will recognize that there is a place that “you must go” to spiritually court a person. This place you must go is possibly somewhere you have never gone before…

• Relationally…Is God calling you to spiritually court a spouse, a parent, a child, or a sibling with whom you have never shared your faith?
• Culturally…Is God calling you to spiritually court a neighbor who is Japanese, or an Indian co-worker, or an African-American classmate, or the Hispanic person in your carpool?
• Religiously…Is God calling you to spiritually court a Mormon friend, or a cousin dabbling in Wicca, or the Muslim family who moved in down the street?
• Dangerously…Is God calling you to spiritually court the single mother addicted to crystal meth, or the divorced dad who is drinking too much, or the college kid who thinks he might be gay, or the young woman who just had an abortion, or the new couple next door always fighting over money?

Spiritual courtship is an adventure of faith. The Lord will likely take you somewhere you have never before journeyed, either literally or figuratively. It may frighten you a little because of the “unknown factor.” Take courage and do not be afraid (Isaiah 35:4). Not only is the Lord with you (Romans 8:38-39), but the Holy Spirit goes before you in preparation for the relationship to be built (John 15:26).

When God leads you to begin spiritually courting someone, learn the lessons shared by Jesus:

• Establish value in the other person. This doesn’t mean you should necessarily ask the other person to fetch you a drink, because you should serve that person rather than seek them to serve you. What you should do, instead, though is apply the principle that Jesus exemplified, which is to break down the walls of stereotype and tradition that have previously worked as barriers. Try a new meal that you’ve never eaten before. Play a new game. Read a book by an author they suggest. Work to establish understanding and build trust. Show your friend that artificial obstacles won’t keep you divided any longer.


• Salt your conversation with spiritual truth. As the 1 Peter 3:15 exhorts, “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” To do this, you should be trained in sharing the gospel.

Look for ways you can talk honestly and comfortably about the blessings of God that you experience because of salvation through Jesus. Mention how you are assured of God’s forgiveness because of His love. Tell your friend of the peace you have that helps you avoid conflict. Describe the joy in your heart that gives you strength in difficult times. Be real and honest, but always be eager to share your hope in Christ. Don’t be afraid to ask what your friend believes about certain universal themes – heaven, suffering, God, sin, forgiveness. Acknowledge their perspective without affirming it, much like Jesus did. Then, conversationally share biblical insight.

Focus on what unites you. The reality is, every person apart from Christ is in the same boat, so to speak. All people fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). It doesn’t matter if a person falls short by an inch or a mile. Jesus alone is the way back to God (John 14:6). As you talk with your friend, focus on the universal truths of God’s love and not on the infinite divisions that people have constructed over time. Every world religion has an excuse, explanation, or alternate opinion about Jesus. You have what Jesus has said about himself! Every worldview has an opinion about God. You have what God says about himself! Every person has an opinion of why they are here (even if they don’t have any idea!). You have the purpose of sharing life through Jesus Christ, given by the Father and empowered by the Holy Spirit!

Discussion Questions

1. Who is God leading you to spiritually court? If you haven’t turned in a commitment card for that person, fill one out today and turn it in at the time of offering during worship.


2. What are some topics that make for universally easy conversation? How can that topic be “massaged” toward a spiritual conversation?


3. What are some questions you could ask to gently probe the person’s spiritual worldview?


4. What are some things other people have done to establish value in you? How did that make you feel about yourself? How did it make you feel about the person? Did their establishing value in you change the nature of your relationship?


5. How do you see Christians compromising themselves as witnesses? What are some tools you use to avoid compromising yourself but still remain effective? How do you be “in the world” but not “of the world?”

Be prepared for a Divine encounter! (v.27-38)

Biblical Commentary

Jesus was well in to the courtship process when his disciples arrived from having eaten their evening meal. Understandably, they were shocked by what they saw. Jesus was confronting every social and cultural obstacle and knocking it over, right in front of their eyes! Yet, not one of his disciples challenged him, because they watched him as one who had spiritual authority and the prescience of mind who knew what he was doing certainly better and more than did they.

Certainly aware of their arrival, and perhaps uncomfortable of their presence, the woman rushed off back to her townspeople, where she shared excitedly that Jesus had just “read her like an open book” and invited them to come meet him! Her trust in Jesus had increased. Because of that Jesus’ opportunity to court her increased.

While that was going on, the disciples of Jesus tried to redirect his priorities and efforts. They knew he had traveled far. They knew he was hungry. They thought they knew what was best for him. They figured he didn’t need to be wasting his time nor his energy on this Samaritan woman. In their eyes, she was a distraction to the real objective – getting quickly through this region of spiritually corrupt half-breed apostates and getting to Galilee where “real ministry” could begin. Jesus, though, resets their priorities. Jesus refused to be distracted by less important opportunities.

Jesus tells them to look all around and to see others with his eyes. Jesus didn’t see the Samaritans in terms of their culture, or their history, or their even of their differences. He looked across Samaria and saw the same thing he saw in Judea: a veritable field of lost and dying people, virtually ripe to be harvested in salvation through the good news he brought them. Jesus was sensitive to where God was at work. Accordingly, he refused to be taken away from there.

Practical Application

As you spend more time with the person you are spiritually courting, trust will build. The more time you spend in a relationship, the more the other person will feel accepted. The more time you invest talking about real matters and eternal issues, the more value will be established and increased. Accordingly, your opportunities to court the person will increase as well. As the level of trust rises, you’ll find yourself being able to share a biblical worldview on an increasing number of topics. You’ll be able to share how you face the matters of the world, and explain how the Lordship of Jesus Christ shapes and guides your entire life. You may even find yourself in a situation like the one recorded in John 4; being able to share this same spiritual truth with the friends and family of the person you are spiritually courting.

As you enter in to these opportunities of spiritual courtship, you will inevitably face times where your priorities will be challenged. You at times will be tempted to put off meeting with this person in order to meet your own interests. Just as Jesus refused to set aside God’s agenda to indulge in his followers’ good intentions, you can do intentionally commit to some steps to do the same:

• Do Something Somewhere – Don’t worry about having it all figured out. The process is bigger than you. So just begin. Take that first step of faith that initiates the relationship and establishes trust. Knock on their door. Give them a call. Go get a Coke together. Take a run to Starbucks. Just do something somewhere!


• Do Something at “Your Place” – Invite your friend in to your world. Have them over for a meal, or for a game night. A time of home-cooked food and laughter around a table will go a long way toward destroying any barrier that might first exist. Find reasons to invite your friend over…to watch a movie, or try a new recipe, or just to have another great conversation!


• Do Something at “Their Place” – Sometimes one of the biggest obstacles to effective spiritual courtship occurs when the “courter” refuses to step in to the world of the person being courted. Remember, Jesus was willing to walk twenty miles and spend two days in Samaria. Surely, you investing a few hours in their world is time well spent. As trust increases, and they invite you in to their world, jump at that opportunity.


• Do Something for Someone – Jesus offered “living water” to the woman, and he put everything aside for two days because the people of Samaria expressed a need for him. The person you are spiritually courting is human, he or she will have a need that you can meet. Maybe it’s as simple as driving to the grocery store. Maybe it’s watching their children one night. Maybe it’s spending an evening at the hospital giving comfort or encouragement. Help build their fence or repair their plumbing. Give of yourself, and look for opportunities to share truth along the way.


• Do Something at God’s Place – The truth you share with the person you are spiritually courting will become even more real and understandable if that person has an opportunity to come to your house of worship. Invite them to experience the presence of the Lord in vibrant, life-changing worship. Encourage them to come to Bible Study where real people have real conversations about how the real Lord guides them through real life. Provide them an opportunity to be placed under the influence of godly, biblical preaching, where they can respond to the work of the Holy Spirit. More than just “church” though, invite your friend to any activity or event taking place at the church. As the body engages in Connection Points that help show the love of Christ through the church, you will have an increasing number of non-threatening, highly-relational opportunities to invite your friend to something exciting taking place through, at, or because of your church.

What really matters is to be sensitive to where God is at work. Realize that God is at work all around you and he has ordained for this relationship to develop for the purpose of seeing your friend come to faith. Honor that work of God by staying faithful to the relationship! Just as in marital courtship, infidelity damages trust and ultimately destroys the bond. If the person you are spiritually courting feels that you aren’t committed, and that you keep putting the relationship off so you can indulge in your own good intentions, your relationship will quickly fall apart because trust is destroyed.

On the other side of the coin, invest where you see God at work. If you don’t know the answer to a question your friend asks, promise and commit to following through and finding the answer. Keep your appointments with your friend. Be on time. Stay the entire time. Honor the purpose of having a spiritual conversation, which is to lead toward another spiritual conversation. Cultivate that relationship. Invest in your friend and let your friend invest in you.

Discussion Questions

1. How have you seen your opportunities to witness increase as another’s trust in you increases?


2. What are some distractions that are “good things,” but not necessarily “God’s things?”


3. List initial things you could do with the person you have identified to spiritual court:


• Do Something Somewhere:


• Do Something at “Your Place:”
  
• Do Something at “Their Place:”


• Do Something for Someone:


• Do Something at God’s Place:


4. Where is God at work? What can you as a Sunday school class do as a Connection point to reach out and show the love of God through the church? Have the class agree on 1 idea and commit to do it in the next two months.

Biblical Commentary

No sooner did Jesus finish exhorting his followers that the fields were white unto harvest that the “harvest” came forward. A multitude of Samaritans immediately believed because of her testimony. They knew this woman. They were fully aware of her reputation in the community. They were familiar with her history and her standing. They were impressed and amazed that a total stranger could know all the sordid details of her life without being told. Because of this amazing feat, they placed belief in his claim that he was in fact God’s Messiah. To meet their need, Jesus made spiritual investments in Samaria. Accordingly, Jesus was able to share with even more people.

Jesus agreed to stay longer with the people of Sychar. In a place that was nothing more than a dinner and drink stop on the way to Galilee, Jesus ended up staying more than 2 days. We will never know in this life everywhere he went in those two days, and all the people he spoke with. We will never know all the people he met by introduction through the woman he first met at the well. What we do know, though, is that many more believed because of his word. Jesus gave these people extra time.

There is a direct correlation here. The more time he spent, the more people came to faith. He stayed and invested in these people. He shared the truth time and again. He showed people they mattered, even though they had so very little in common. He gave of himself so that they could know the truth. They declare as much, “we know that this is the Savior of the World!”

Practical Application

Spiritual sowing will reap eternal rewards. Spiritual courtship is an investment, not an expense. Truths from John 4 certainly need to be remembered as you commit to the process of spiritually courting a friend.

Your investments will open new doors. You will get to speak to more people and share the truth in new opportunities. If a person identifies you as trustworthy and true, they will bring other seekers to you. The Apostle Andrew is known for being the disciple mentioned most often for introducing people to Jesus. He trusted Jesus and he knew Jesus offered life to people. When you become identified as a trustworthy source for truth, hope, and life, you will have increasing opportunities to share what you have been freely given.

This privilege will require more of you, in terms of time and commitment. You will have to have to give more time to share with more people. Rather than let that dissuade you, think about this from the perspective of Jesus. While Samaria was the obstacle between Judea and Galilee to the disciples, it was the very purpose of Christ’s journey. He “had to go” there. Likewise, spiritual courtship is one of the purposes for which you were created. Other people are the reason you are here! You have been called, equipped, and commissioned to make investments in other people. These investments take time. You cannot rush this process, and you may not abandon it simply because it takes longer than you initially thought. Remember how many years it took for you to come to faith, even if you came to faith as a child. The person you are courting may be hearing the gospel for the first time in your life, or perhaps for the first time in years. You will give more time as you spiritually court, but it is time that is redeemed in eternity!

Spiritual courtship results in salvations. A simple principle will be honored: The more you do it, the more people will come to faith. Think about it in terms of doing a cold-call survey. If you only expect 10% to reply, then if you knock on 10 doors, you’ll probably only get one reply. However, if you knock on one hundred doors, you may still only have 10% reply, but at least you’ll have ten replies! From the perspective of spiritual courtship, you may not have the result you’d like in your first conversation, but if that first conversation leads to another conversation, you’ve still got another opportunity for success. Don’t give up or become discouraged. Just work on cultivating that relationship honestly and purposefully. Believe that God is big enough, smart enough, and loving enough to overcome any obstacle. Ask him to give you the grace, wisdom, mercy, patience, and perseverance to stay faithful and committed to your spiritual courtship relationship.

Discussion Questions

1. What are some open doors to witnessing that you have observed around the community? Around the Metroplex? How can our church increase its influence by making spiritual investments?


2. How many hours a week do you spend watching television? Surfing the Internet? Where could you cut out wasted time from your day for investing in spiritual courtship?


3. How do you feel knowing that God has saved you, called you, prepared you, equipped you, and now commissions you for the purpose of spiritual courtship? How does the exhortation of Philippians 1:6 (He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.) affect how you will proceed?

Closing

Despite traditional prejudices and logical demands, Jesus intentionally did not go out of his way to avoid Samaria, the woman at the well, and the “many people” of Sychar who believed on him. There are people all around us, all around our church, and all around the Metroplex who are different than us for one reason or another. Yet, God is calling us today to no longer not go out of our way to avoid them. In your remaining time today, invest in prayer asking God to knock down barriers that obstruct your relationship with the person you are going to spiritually court. Ask God to prepare that person’s heart, and to embolden you to the process of seeing that person come to faith through Jesus Christ. August 24, 2005 12:43 AM