November 11, 2005
Texas Speedway Final LapPosted by Bryan
Cotter had a great time, too....except for the drive home. Maybe that's because I spent the entire time pretending to be Bobby Labonte frustrated in a packed parking lot...a concept I thought to be hilarious, but Cotter disagreed.
The Saturday affair wasn't as redneck-y as I had anticipated, but that's like saying an April trip to Antarctica wasn't as snowy as you might expect. There was still plenty of chicken wing bones, Busch cans, and chewing tobacco for all the ladies to buy as they left the "Racer Chick" boutique/Semi trailer. There was so much orange being worn (I guess in fandom support to Tony Stewart), that I wasn't sure if I was at a Home Depot convention or in the middle of the Texas exodus to a Colorado deer season.
We did our part to keep the North Texas economy flourishing and hopefully help vendor Bobbi Lurlene Jarrett Gordon Wachowski make that final payment on her Mark Martin #6 Viagra-inspired RV scaffold so she can sell her kettle corn kiosk and follow the tour full time. In addition to the popped corn seasoned by the ambiguously sweet scuzz lining the unseen "kettle," we also bought a $7 sausage sandwich that Cotter promptly dropped to the ground (but were encouraged to eat anyway by a bystander since "the wind keeps sidewalks cleaner than a butcher's table"), a $15 race guide that profiles the racers and came with a "free" t-shirt and 1:64 race car, 2 additional 1:64 cars for Kaylyn & Kelsi, an overpriced 1:64 Tony Stewart car for Cotter, a Texas Motor Speedway t-shirt for my bride, which I've been assured she'll wear to the next formal Spring Ladies luncheon at the church, and a $3 Tony Stewart denim jumper for Kelsi (it was on close-out, which may go to prove that the 4-and-under girl demographic is one still ripe for exploitation at Tony Stewart Enterprises, Inc.). I purchased for myself as a memento a $4 TMS drink coozy, which I am using to keep my hand protected from the morning chill of my Pibb Zero.
Which reminds me! And I am not making this up, I promise....As we are walking back to our car after the race, we pass by this big horse trough filled with Coke Zero, being given away. You could take as many as you wanted. So I took four. As we continue on, I hear behind me the following dialogue:
- Patti Wylene Petty Franklin: Bubba, you should try this Coke Zero.
Bubba Earnhart Jr. Franklin: I ain't tryin it.
PWPF: You should. It's good.
BEJF: I ain't drinking nothin' that ain't got no calories.
*Well, probably not "never." I may again tease NASCAR again "very soon" or even "immediately," but I won't mean it as much as I did in the past. For the most part.