Spare Change

What if You Held An Awards Show and Nobody Cared?

Posted by Bryan

I find it ironically funny that The People's Choice Awards couldn't win its own trophy, if it offered one for Favorite Gratuitous Self-Congratulatory Celebrity Overhype Show.

How has this show been on my entire life, and I've never seen it...even by accident?

They actually offer these awards...I'm not making it up:

Crest Whitestrips Fans Favorite Smile: Cameron Diaz.

Nice ’N Easy Fans Favorite Hair: Faith Hill.

Olay Total Effects Fans Favorite Look: Jennifer Aniston.

Of course, I'm inspired...

So, here are my First Ever Person's Choice Awards:*

• TrimSpa Fan Favorite Weight Loss: Director Peter Jackson


• Humphrey's Bedwetting Pellets Fan Favorite Too Funny Comic: Will Ferrell


• The Beano Anti-Gas Drops Fan Favorite Windbag: Al Franken


• Tucks Anti-Itch Ointment Fan Anti-Favorite Celebrity of the Year: George Clooney


• Mossberg 100ATR Fan Favorite Gun-Wielding Celebrity Samaritan of the Year: Sean Penn

*Don't get me started on "First Annual." The phrase is oxymoronic...it can't be annual until the second year, no matter how ambitious the plans for its recurrance may be.

January 11, 2006 1:40 PM