Spare Change

Your Brief Kitty Life Makes me Sigh

Posted by Bryan

The 'Net is all ga-ga over the short life and single ocular mechanism of this suddenly-famous dead kitty.

In memorial tribute, I over two songs -- both by lyrical genius Heywood Banks -- to the monocular feline...one for its lone eye, and another for the twin that never 'twas:

The One Eye Love

I got a gal with just one eye,
No depth of field but sweet as pie,
And I just don’t care-e-o,
If her vision isn’t stereo.
To my she’ll always be the tops.
My sweet little Cyclops.

She’s the one eye, one eye, one eye,
She’s the one eye, one eye love,
She’s the one eye, one eye, one eye,
She’s the one eye one eye love.

Now you might wonder what she’s thinking
Cause it looks like she’s is winking,
In arguments I yell and cry,
But she just can’t see the other side,
It’s worse than it looks, says her mother,
Cause she’s blind in one eye, blonde in the other.

She’s the one eye, one eye, one eye,
She’s the one eye, one eye love,
She’s the one eye, one eye, one eye,
She’s the one eye one eye love.

Now how it happened she just won’t spill,
Was it scissor sprint or William Tell,
Well the eye got put out and was never found,
Gone to take a look around,
My Columbo cutie, Popeye punkin',
Sammy Junior, Sandy Duncan,

She’s the one eye, one eye, one eye,
She’s the one eye, one eye love,
She’s the one eye, one eye, one eye,
She’s the one eye one eye love.

don't leave yet...

The Cat Got Dead

Oh, the cat got dead; we put him in a box And we dug a little hole and we covered him with rocks And we picked a couple dandelions, said a little prayer And we all went off to bed ‘cause we mostly didn’t care.

But in the middle of the night, a dog started sniffin’
Was a Labrador retriever that belonged to Mrs. Griffin
And even though the cat was smelly and stiff
He thought it’d be a nice addition to Mrs. Griffin’s kitchen

Well throughout the house she has cat curiosities
With kitties on her couch and her coat and her colostomy
People gave her kitty gifts, but all the dog could afford is
A cat he dug up with a case of rigor mortis

When the woman saw the cat, there began the pandemonium
The dog dropped the cat and it clunked to the Congoleum
It snapped back to life right there on the linoleum
Shook its shaggy head out of its catatonium!

From the floor to the counter and all around the kitchen
The cat was chased by the dog, and the dog by Mrs. Griffin
Past the living room couch with a kitty motif
Through the front door screen out into the street…

Well old John Duke drives a delivery route
And he happened to be passing with a van full of fruit
He missed the woman and the dog but his face went pale
‘Cause in a splat the cat was corned beef hash with a tail!

Yuck.

Oh, the cat got dead; we put him in a box
And we dug a little hole and we covered him with rocks
And we picked a couple dandelions, said a little prayer
And we all went off to bed ‘cause we mostly didn’t care.