Spare Change

Herpes Goes Bananas

Posted by Bryan

Today, news comes out that the herpes virus holds promise as a potential treatment for cancer. The genetically-engineered herpes simplex 1 virus (the one that causes cold sores, chicken pox, and shingles) attacks cancer cells, but leaves healthy ones unmolested. Scientists at this point are only speculating this as a treatment to prolong life, but not as a full cure.

There is no mention whether herpes outbreaks (in any variety) are a potential side-effect. Also not reported is the effect that these initial findings could have on the production of future Valtrex commercials. My hope is that the virus can be engineered in such a way to effective eradicate cancer and eliminate Valtrex commercials as well. That would indeed be a two birds/one stone scenario.

I can barely tolerate the television ads wherein the couple on the right have a TMI moment with the world. The guy confesses that he has chirpees.

And it is untweetable.

Because its a canarial disease.

And his wife (because certainly they are married, right?) brags, "I don't have herpes."

And they want to keep it that way.

Never mind that the best solution for a young lady not wanting herpes is to not be intimate with a guy who has it.

But they don't want to let an incurable sexually transmitted disease get in the way of their chicka-chicka-wow-wow. So he takes Valtrex.

And does she, too, just to be extra safe? I'm not sure.

Regardless, problem not really solved, but thanks anyway for this commercial that has led my 8-year-old son to ask, "Daddy, what's herpes?

Now, I can explain the negative of the STD mitigated by the positive benefits it could offer as a cancer-fighting agent.

Or I could just turn the channel and redirect his attention, like I did last time.

July 9, 2007 11:22 AM | TrackBack