August 5, 2007
True or False: Messiah?Posted by Bryan
Russia is experiencing a flourishing bumper crop of false messiahs. One Sergei Christ is a former traffic cop who now gives "new life." He holds sway over an estimated 5,000 followers (but you know that's just his minister of education doing the counting). He has provided them with 61 commandments to follow, including a mandate to vegetarianism, a strong encouragement to abstain from drugs and alcohol, and a commission to capture moose and squirrel.
Okay, one of those three is probably false.
When seeking the Messiah, here is a short list of Red Flag Indicators that a Candidate may not be the real deal:
- Headquartered in Nigeria, offers to place salvation in your bank account if you will just send him your personal data.
- Fond of saying, "It depends on what you mean by "Messiah..."
- Wears a name tag that reads, "Hello, My Name is 'The Messiah'"
- Prophecies the advent of a new calendar, featuring four 90-day months of Bobtober, Freebirduary, Pink and Wednesday.
- Keeps asking to borrow five rubles until the next congregational offering.
- Requires all men to wear Members Only Jackets. At all times. Without exception.
- Begins construction of "Heaven on Earth," starts with jacuzzi and game room.
- Likes to brag that he hangs out with Tom & Katie, the Travoltas, & "That chick from Dharma & Greg."
- Sports a "BMX4EVER" tatoo on his chest.
- Says it's "no big deal" to illegal download Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ .
- Claims that scooting across an ice-covered pond on his hands and knees is "pretty much the same thing" as walking on water.
- Always asks "What Would Jee...I mean 'I' Do?"
Can I be serious for a moment here, please? Lower the lights and turn down the stereo.
There's nothing funny about the seriousness at stake. One lady became a follower because the ex-cop resembles the iconic pictures of Jesus (created historically by western-world artists reflecting European physical distinctions). That, dear friend, is a scary reason to follow someone. If that were a sound basis for "followship," I have a totally different interpretation why The Allman Brothers Band was so popular in the 70s.
Two things before moving on...1) The Bible says that there was nothing about Jesus' appearance that would cause people to follow Him (in fact, that single standard should give you cause to flee). and B) Jesus himself said there would be many liarheads coming in the last days promising that they are the Christ.
So, comrades in Russia, when another arrives in His name, saying he is the Christ, nyet. Don't buy it, not for all the rubles in St. Petersburg.