August 11, 2007
Flag FootballPosted by Bryan
The following is an edited and updated entry originally dated October 7, 2002.
One of my many pet peeves -- Football team flags.
I'm a big Bronco fan, but I don't wear jerseys and I don't fly the flags. I find it insulting to the real flags. And I see people more faithfully fly their sports flag than they will their national flag.
Perhaps I'm not a fan after all, if fan has to be short for fanatic. I won't paint my face. I won't go bare-chested in subzero weather. I refuse to name my children John Elway IV or Invesco McAnally, and I don't think Mike Shanahan will call the play I wrote up on a dinner napkin, and there's no sense in hoping he'll return my text messages.
Another thing I don't get are the riots that take place after championships. It's one thing to fire live rounds of ammunition from your assault rifle wantonly into the air (who doesn't enjoy that?!?), but another thing altogether to overturn cars and turn an entire downtown into a frenetic mosh pit of anarchy.
Now, I'm a participant in three fantasy football leagues. I play them because it allows me the rare opportunity to have witty team names AND get profoundly thrashed by my opponents each and every week for a good sixteen weeks. I kinda feel like its a public service to the rest of the league...help them feel good about their own team and all that.
My team names this go-around:
- Quarterhorse Power. You might not get the witticism, but with the accompanying animated gif, you understand that my team has only 1/4 horse power. H-I-Larious!
- Raptured Tendons. This is for the second of the church leagues. See how I combined a deeply theological doctrine of premilllenial eschatology with a common, devastating sports injury? I know, you don't have to tell me that I should be writing for Two & A Half Men.
- Living Vicariously. This is for our family league. A sad confession or a mystic philosophic insight? Yes...it is in fact the former, but let's all just laugh nervously and then change the subject.
Just don't go waving your team flags around me, you jersey-wearing fanatics.
August 11, 2007 2:29 PM | TrackBack