Spare Change

Cigarettes & Shotgun Shells

Posted by Bryan

A 17-year old girl was suspended from school for having live shotgun shells discovered in her car in the school parking lot. The offense, "possessing a dangerous instrument," and the accompanying suspension could potentially hamper her efforts to get into college.

The rest of the details might help:

• She's an Olympian-in-training for skeet-shooting. This is why she had shotgun shells in her car.


• There was no gun found in her possession, either on her person, or in her car.


• There were, however, cigarettes found in the car. I'm not able to reconnect the disconnect on an Olympian packin' smokes, but what's germane in this factoid is that the nicotine stix were also a violation of school code, but she was not cited for it.

Without a gun, the shotgun shells are a less dangerous instrument than the cigarettes. In fact, without a gun, the shotgun shells are a less dangerous instrument than other items likely found in her car, in her backpack, in her locker, or on her person. These more dangerous items include:

• sharpened pencil


• notebook wire


• science text book teaching evolution as fact (could be used as a bludgeoning device)


• plastic spork from cafeteria


• shoelaces


• hall locker combination lock, combined with gym sock to make impromptu mace


• caustic sarcasm and/or sharp wit

With the likelihood that she possessed one or more of the above items, I think the only rational action to be consistent with the established policy is to throw the book at her.

Figuratively, of course, not literally. Those science books can really hurt.

She should be expelled. She could have thrown those shotgun shells at someone -- probably out of anger -- and raised a potentially nasty welt. She could have shared the cigarettes and done untold damage. She clearly is a menace who must be subdued as an example to any other aspiring Olympians. The emerging generation must be taught that being over-programmed, over-obligated, and over-scheduled is no excuse to shirk the responsibility to be totally compliant to the Zero-Tolerance Overreaction Squad, whether they preside in school halls or parking lots. They must learn that in an age where school violence is real, every item is a potential weapon and every student is a potential assailant.

Particularly the popular, well-adjusted, goal-oriented female ones.

November 2, 2007 7:52 AM | TrackBack