May 13, 2008
Poor SportsPosted by Bryan
This league-wide announcement came to my inbox at the end of April, from the director's board of our children's city sports league office:
- (Our League) has experienced an unusual amount of poor sportsmanship and behavior
by parents and coaches so far this season. We would like to remind everyone
that these games are for the kids, and that adults are setting an example
with their behavior. If parents (or anyone at the fields) yell at,
belittle, or in some other way show strong disrespect for umpires, those
adults will be ejected from the fields, and will be suspended from at least
one more game. Coaches are responsible for the behavior of their players
and parents, so the head coach of that team is subject to a suspension as
well. Any coach (head or assistant) ejected from a game, will automatically
be suspended from the next game their team plays.
Please step back and consider your behavior. We are role models for the
kids around us, whether we want to be or not. If you believe an umpire is
doing a very poor job, please keep quiet at the field, and contact the age
group director or one of the board members after the game. We will
investigate and take action if warranted.
How sad it is when adults have to be reprimanded like children because their poor conduct has warranted it.
Here's a brief, incomplete list of bad things about youth sports:
Last night, Cotter's spring baseball season came to an end with a first-round loss in the championship tournament. The game wasn't all that close, but it was highlighted by Cotter completing an unassisted double play...intentionally. We also had several good hits and a pretty strong all-around effort.
Unfortunately, the game was tainted by an ugly confrontation between a coach and a parent. While I did not see the 'flash point' of the incident, everybody saw the yelling, screaming, and storming off that all took place in front of and amidst the boys.
Parents bear the responsibility of showing respect for the coaches, even when they disagree with the coaches...strongly. When they openly defy the coaches, they teach that disrespect and defiance to their children. I say that as a parent and as a volunteer coach.
I "get" that every parent wants their child's coach to have the talent of Joe Torre in managing their squad, the people skills of Barack Obama (or some equivalent Republican counterpart, if you must), a motivator like Tony Robbins, and do it all for the salary given to Mother Teresa. And most of these coaches are screeching in to the practices from a long day at work, missing meals, realizing how many mistakes they're making each week, and constantly wondering if they should have ever signed up to take on this thankless task.
Parents need to be graceful with their coach, even when the coach is unappreciative of your child's obvious talent, neglectful of his or her emerging talent, and unresponsive to your child's attention, respect, and improvement. Even if you've given the coach the benefit of the doubt, but consistently see your child's coach play favorites and not reward your child's good attitude and supportive behavior...stick it out. Even if you see your child's coach cave in to other demanding parents, or crater to petulant brats...don't mimic it or allow your child to do the same.
Be a good sport.
I understand that we get poor coaches from time to time, but even a poor coach offers your child important life lessons.
Life is not fair. Bosses, like coaches, will play favorites. Teachers, like some coaches, will praise and criticize disproportionately. The positive and negative lessons learned on the fields and courts of childhood will bear fruit in the classrooms, boardrooms, and negotiation fields of adulthood.
The nectar of that fruit is either better or bitter, depending upon the vine on which it grew through the years.
Parents...teach your children to respect their authorities by respecting the authority that is given to your coach. If you have a disagreement, have the disagreement in private. The only allowable exception to this is if the coach is putting the safety of a child at risk. If your coach is playing favorites, use the opportunity to teach your child to work hard, persevere, and show respect. I don't think there's a problem with acknowledging to your child when offenses take place, but use them for the teachable moments they are to instill in your child that hard work and a best effort are their own reward. And as much as anything, conduct yourself in a manner that will lead your child to be proud of your conduct as a supportive, encouraging, cheering fan instead of an unsupporting, discouraging, jeering critic.
If you aren't happy with your situation...wait it out and try a different team next time around. If you just have to make a comment...do it in private, and in humility. And if you want to respect the thankless task your kids' coaches undertake, volunteer even one season and prepare yourself for the experience from the other perspective. Now, as one of my coaches once told me, when I complained that the other team was getting away with a repeated cheap shot...
Just shut up and play ball!
May 13, 2008 4:49 AM | TrackBack