August 19, 2008
Why Bryan Hates GymasticsPosted by Bryan
Gymnastics is not a sport.
Don't get me wrong...it's incredibly athletic. I love watching the athletes. They are phenomenal. I just can't suffer the competitions that are not objective. I can't stand the subjectivity in gymnastics.
When Michael Phelps won by .01 seconds, it was disputed, but sustained because it was objective. When Dara Torres lost by .01, it was accepted because despite her fine performance, it came justthisshort.
Then we move to gymnastics. Only in this competition, nobody can get a perfect score. Only in this sport, you can have have a .1 deduction if your right toe lands slightly off parallel, or .5 if you land on your knees instead of your feet....OR reverse both those conditions if your starting difficulties are slightly different than the person that just went before you. Only in gymnastics can this impressive act of grace pictured here score higher than a mistake free routine performed by a competitor whose only error was in wearing a unitard with the letters "U," "S," and "A."
I believe in being the supportive dad from the bleachers. But if I were a gymnastics dad, I think I'd be the guy escorted out by security because of accusing the judges of being drunk, blind, bribed, or some combination of all three.
A friend of mind heard me griping about this lack of objectivity in gymnastics, and he explained something that really helped me understand how the complex scoring system works. You see, at the back of the International Gymnastics Federation scoring book, there apparently is an appendix of rules for Olympic competition. And at the very back of this appendix, there are an assortment of special dictates that have applied in this year's Beijing games:
- In the case of tie, America always loses
- Home court advantage: +.5 to final score. Home competitors should be compensated for not being able to enjoy an international destination
- Non-Americans: 1 free fall, stumble, trip, or faceplant.
- American gymnasts to be judged by advanced precision robots designed to recognize slightest deviations to perfect performance.
- Non-American gymnasts to be judged by celebrity "You Think You Can Dance" panel.
So the lesson that we can all learn here today is that Bryan's neck is never more red than when national pride is on the line and all that's right and good in international gymnastics is compromised by pre-adolescent Chinese fudging tumblers (they're sixteen just as much by inverse comparison that I'm 29) and prejudiced international judging bumblers.
I agree...I worked way too hard on that last sentence. I suspect the European judges will give me low marks on execution, despite my high starting score.
August 19, 2008 8:17 AM | TrackBack